Free Download , by Dr. Sheri Keffer
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, by Dr. Sheri Keffer
Free Download , by Dr. Sheri Keffer
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Product details
File Size: 24071 KB
Print Length: 338 pages
Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0800735056
Publisher: Revell (March 20, 2018)
Publication Date: March 20, 2018
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B0741DZ16D
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I’m acquainted with Dr Sheri Denham Keffer’s Work since 2012 with New Life. I had the honor of not only hearing her personal story of betrayal, trauma, and ongoing recovery from the stage, but I was blessed to eat dinner with her and get some information on Dr Amen on his Brain Research!!!!Anyway, I have been given so much hope by her soothing, but biblically sound advice. Betrayed Partners:She never blames or enables offending from the victimized position. Addicted/Unfaithful Partners: She’s nonjudgmental, but direct and firm in her support of you admitting your fault and seeking help.If you’re relationship has been devastated by Sexual Addiction or Sexual Intergrity, PLEASE GET THIS BOOK.Note: I’ve read the first chapter and skimmed through a few other chapters last night, but THIS IS A MUST READ....
This is the 2nd of absolute, crucial, must-read books for betrayed wives to read (with the first being the very short book by Michelle Mays "Aftermath of Betrayal"), followed RIGHT behind with Dr. Kevin Skinner's book "Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal", and then "Moving Beyond Betrayal" by Vicki Tidwell Palmer which is excellent for helping betrayed wives establish their life-saving boundaries. All 4 of these books are jam-packed with crucially-needed info that betrayed wives need NO matter whether or not their SA husband chooses recovery...the severe damage he has inflicted is already done and her traumatized brain-heart-body-emotions MUST be tended to and healed. In the next edition of Keffer's book I hope she will make two small changes. 1.) She wrote of - which others erroneously do as well - ADHD being a "CAUSE OF" men choosing porn and the SA behaviors. I encourage her to read the book "Your Brain on Porn" where they discuss the research done how ADHD manifestations are rather that of the "RESULT OF" having indulged in porn and not the 'cause of'. And, it makes perfect sense, too: SA is primarily that of a "DRUG addiction, generating their own neurochemistry drug fix as Milton Magness wrote, or as others have said "carrying around the bar in their brain." And, everyone knows that overdosing on drugs (which is what SA's do to an extreme extent and degree) causes brain damage. Just observe how SA men who have been in a solid recovery program for even a couple years have so much better focus, and an awareness and understanding of the world around them. 2.) The other thing I hope that Keffer will do is to drop all mention of Debra Laaser from her book, because what Keffer stands for in regards to traumatized wives and also that of holding SA adult men FULLY responsible for and not protecting them at all from any consequences, Debra stands in very strong opposition against. The following is a synopsis of Debra's (and her husband Mark's) approach to SA men and betrayed wives, which I know from having read extensively their resources and also from personal experience. They severely further shame the wife by absolutely refusing to acknowledge that the SA husband has willfully, in every area of her humanity, severely traumatized, i.e. inflicted actual and severe physiological brain injury to her, and also wounded greatly beyond that, his wife. They do this in order to protect and shield the "adult perpetrator" (to borrow Alex Katehakis term) husband from feeling/experiencing fully his HEALTHY shame and guilt for all of his sinful behavior as an adult. This is the ONLY pathway of true and lasting recovery, and the only path of redemption before God. John Bradshaw wrote in "Healing the Shame that Binds You" how feeling one's own healthy shame and guilt for having done wrong is the only pathway toward experiencing holiness. Katehakis wrote (in two of her books) from a neuropsycholobiological perspective how this is absolutely essential for SA men to recover. Sure, it will hurt deeply and feel awful for a very long time, but as Pia Melody has rightly taught, each person can handle their OWN emotions. Bearing fully their own healthy shame and guilt for their adult sins is THEIR cross to bear. And, the Bible teaches that each one must bear the consequences for their sins. Also, if they do not own their own shame and guilt, they absolutely will project this horrifically toxic manure onto their wife, children, and multiple others, and nor will they be able to develop the good and godly trait of feeling appropriate empathy for others, and nor will they be able to be and remain truly and sufficiently humble. Laasers greatly minimize what SA husbands/men have done as adults by playing the 'childhood wounds card' as being the main driver of ADULT sex addictive behavior, which this is an absolute FALSEhood...it MAY have BEGUN there but there is a whole host of adult sinful character traits which are the main drivers of SA: lying, stealing, pride, enjoying lusting and not fleeing immorality (as Charles Swindoll has taught "Make no mistake, there is PLEASURE in SIN!"...but for only a limited time, that is), looking out only for their own personal interests and comfort, not loving but instead using and defiling their wife to chase after their sex neurochemicals 'drug high', and willfully disobeying a whole host of other biblical instructions for living, and choosing in their adulthood to be very LAZY spiritually & emotionally & psychologically & relationally & sexually & socially & physically. If one's life is sufficiently full with continual emphasis on and growth in these areas, then there will not be time-energy-or even much interest in being involved with sexual sin. And GOD HELP the betrayed wife who at all leaks it out at a Laasers workshop that she hasn't bought hook, line-and sinker the falsehood which they (and others) peddle - 'poor, poor childhood wounds SA man just couldn't help himself' in horrifically cruelly sinning against others. Evidently because I merely questioned this, Debra and her co-therapist Susie treated me with SUCH coldness and cruelty throughout the ENTIRE workshop wkend, and this despite my being in such overwhelming intense pain and my husband was as comfortable as could be - of course he was, one therapist after another coddled him just as the Laasers profusely did and do with all SA men (and completely UNlike/opposite how very highly-effective Dr. Milton Magness and polygraph examiner Steve Cabler do, and whom ignited/affected such profound recovery change in my husband). Then, Laasers employ the 'great equalizer' of shining a glaring spotlight onto the wife, magnifying every possible flaw she might possibly have - and also cruelly shaming-accusing her that what is ACTUALLY that of her normal human response to trauma symptoms (i.e. from her autonomic nervous system/ANS-PNS) is that of immature, unhealthy self and other relational patterns - codependency. And, 'mysteriously' absent is that Laasers never focus on the SA husband's codependency patterns, which Patrick Carnes wrote that SAs need to address this too. Next, the Laasers greatly shame the wife by teaching her to grossly coddle and largely excuse from experiencing the full consequences of his adult sinful behavior, and for the wife to take on additional loads in order to do so (yes, like the wife doesn't have beyond enough to do in healing her trauma and other wounds and figuring what to next in regards to marriage, financial, children, and much more! No, the SA husband is the one who needs to take on extra in order to support the wife's recovery! It is part of his amends process. By the way, the Laasers allow nothing of what Carnes, author Vicki Tidwell Palmer, Magness, Bercaws, and Katehakis teach - that of the wife writing and reading her Impact Letter to the SA husband and he replying with his Atonement/Emotional Restitution Letter. No, with the Lasers it is of first and foremost importance to keep the poor, poor sex addict as absolutely comfortable as possible...and NO lasting recovery and godliness happen as a result of this attitude.). Anyway, it is quite apparent that beautiful and godly heart, and very biblically and psychologically grounded Sheri Keffer has not known the TRUE belief system of Debra Laaser (and based on all how Debra and Mark treat wives and so very largely excuse SA husbands, it is insanely hypocritical that Debra, of ALL people, would have the audacity to employ such hypocrisy in writing an article of post-traumatic growth of betrayed wives! For wives to even get to the place of "POST" trauma, they need 3 things to remove the boatloads of shame which their SA husband inflicted upon them, which the 'same expert' Brene Brown teaches: validation, empathy, and acceptance which Laasers refuse to allow this for wives if it gets anywhere close to their 'feel sorry for the SA' unbiblical, demonic false teaching). By the way, Dr. Magness wrote that there are MANY people who experience terrible childhood wounds but yet do NOT choose to live medicating their pain in sex or any other addictions. And, for proof of that, just consider the very painful childhoods of godly people like Dr. David Stoop, and Dr. Henry Cloud and a zillion host of others. But Keffer's other friends/influences - like John Townsend, Milan & Kay Yerkovich, Leslie Vernick to mention a few - are wonderful biblically and psychologically grounded people.
This book is the very best resource I have found to help women who are dealing with betrayal trauma. Sheri has the unique ability to blend both head knowledge & the heart. She is vulnerable as she shares her own past marriage with a sexually addicted spouse & how her world was turned upside down. The book gives the reader such a great plan to heal the wounds from sexual betrayal. Sheri uses her expertise from being a therapist/counselor to help the reader understand how sexual betrayal effects body & mind. Then from her own experience she offers compassion & empathy as a caring friend would. Sheri really does explain that hope & healing is possible.If you want a book that is helpful in healing sexual betrayal this book is that resource.I want to thank the publisher for providing a copy for my review. I have since purchased copies to distribute to friends, churches & ministries. I will continue to purchase this along with Worthy of Her Trust for those needing hope & healing.
Very helpful, clearly shared with her personal experience and Godly wisdom, as well as her extensive training. My husband even agreed to listen to the CD version of the book, and said it was difficult to realize more deeply how much his 35years of deception had hurt me. Highly recommend this book.
This book has changed my life! There is something powerful from the healing that comes from reading the perspective of someone who has experienced this same time of pain. A pain that in itself is so isolating and shameful. I will reread it again! And maybe again on this journey for healing. And I couldn’t recommend it more!
I found this resource in the midst of the trauma of betrayal in my marriage while I was sick with breast cancer. Through it, I was equipped with pertinent, meaningful help and guidance toward the beginning of my healing. A Godsend in my life. I am forever grateful.
This book is a game changer for someone trying to come up for air after discovering their husband has been cheating...for years...and lying...for years. You're not crazy. He broke more than your vows. He broke your brain. She helps you get that.
I’ve read many books on the subject of sexual betrayal, but this one is the most helpful one I’ve read. It goes into so much depth of the pain we go through as women in a betrayed relationship and helps us find our way out. It is very compassionate, yet scientific. It helps so much that the author could share some of her own experiences of betrayal.
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